Engagement Part 3
Pre-Marital Life Proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Having open and honest communication early in the relationship can provide a good foundation for having tough conversations during the premarital season. Getting into the habit of disclosing and discussing uncomfortable topics will keep them from becoming issues later in the marriage. Creating boundaries, disclosing finances, and discussing household chores are uncomfortable topics that need to be addressed early to keep the relationship moving in a healthy direction. Proverbs 24:3 Through [skillful and godly] wisdom a house [a life, a home, a family] is built, And by understanding it is established [on a sound and good foundation]. Boundaries Creating appropriate boundaries can provide a safe place to build a strong foundation for your future life together. Discuss issues or habits that you both have noticed during your relationship that you would or would not want to bring into your marriage. Letting your “yes” be “yes” and your “no” be “no”!
● What are you not willing to put up with in this relationship?
● How do you enable bad behavior?
Ecclesiastes 4:4-10 says Two are better than one because they have a more satisfying return for their labor; for if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and does not have another to lift him up. Finances Take some time to get some hard-core facts about each other's finances by answering these questions.
● What is your FICO score?
● Do you have debt?
● Have you ever filed for bankruptcy?
● Do you have money in savings? If so, how much?
● Do you have enough money for a down payment on a house?
● Do you have an emergency fund? If so, how much?
● Do you have a WILL?
● Do you have insurance; life and health?
● Do you have investments?
These questions may be annoying to answer but it’s important to know each other’s opinions and find out what works for one another. Proverbs 19:14 House and riches are the inheritance from fathers, but a wise, understanding, and prudent wife is from the Lord. Household Discussing expectations of household chores before marriage will avoid hurt feelings and fights in the future. This may seem like common knowledge but everyone has different backgrounds. Some people may have parents who always did their laundry or cleaned the house or cared for the lawn and they may not know how to do these things, or they may have been on their own for so long and have a particular way of doing things and expect everyone to have this knowledge. So this is a good time to share with each other your own personal experiences and expectations when it comes to personal responsibilities and household work, inside and outside of the home. Creating a calendar of assorted tasks on a daily, weekly, and/or monthly basis will ensure proper communication and avoid arguments in the future. Here is a list of popular chores that should be discussed and assigned. But these are only examples so make your own list according to your specific situation.
● Who will do the dishes?
● Who will empty the trash?
● Who will clean the floors?
● Who will clean the bathrooms?
● Who will maintain the cars?
● Who will mow the lawn/shovel the snow?
● How will laundry be handled?
● How will grocery shopping be handled?
● Who will cook?
● Who will pay the bills?
● Who will make doctor appointments?
Proverbs 31:10 A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman-who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls. Do we agree? Be honest with each other and don’t withhold information because you think your partner will be angry with you. It is quite common to find out information about each other that you didn’t know and need time to process that information. When discussing these things, make sure you can give the other person time to process the information and be understanding when disclosing information that may delay your wedding date such as needing more time to pay off debt before the ceremony, etcetera. Openly and honestly discussing boundaries, finances, household chores, and personal expectations will build a firm foundation of communication and will keep these topics from becoming an issue later in marriage. Matthew 18:19 Again I tell you, if two of you on earth agree (harmonize together) about whatever they may ask, it will come to pass and be done for them by My Father in Heaven. In conclusion, getting to know your potential partner and eventually your forever partner is critical in living the life God has prepared for you. We have discussed what it looks like to prepare for married life. Be completely honest and vulnerable with your answers to these questions and you’ll be on a great path to a successful married life
